Wednesday, May 23, 2012

feasability study delayed(satire)


we have learned from several sources that federal funds are being sought to
 study the feasibility of moving central park to aAlign Centerlexington ave. location, and to restore it to pre 1957 cut through dimensions.  ex-mayor gulliver(recently hired as a washington lobbyist by the city planning commisssion), jordanaire the butler(himself a fiduciary and fund raiser), william  f. faux jr.(husband of elaine), and historical restoration-renovator and enthusuiast, architect dan d. secular attened several meetings during the last year. the study has been delayed so that local entrepreneur john  fernwell can complete his purchase of several dozen lexington avenue properties, reportedly the former  store on lexington ave., currently housing   sav-a-little grocers.  24 hour state of the art smartcard  parking meter terminals will provide a constant revenue stream.

a secretive ex-mayor donnable gulliver suggested that private funding, 'seedy money' (as he called it) for the study was available. "secular and faux raised gazillions for funding the ren which won't ever bring back a nickel of added revenue and will double the ren's  (short for son of ghost act enerprises) utility costs and will have a direct pipeline ("if you know what i mean") to the whitehouse.  
"naming rights are excepted to bring in a few million.  of course i'm rooting for it to be named gulliver commemorative learning center commons or milliron recyclable historical melange.  hopefully, we  can sap some money from local  fat-cat preachers with a huge cross, state of the art holograph, soundbars, laser effect 3-d, and  a 4 deck skylift  bandshell/pulpit."  

secular seeks to replicate the "square on the diagonal" from a series of photos and films from the 1950s, including the world-famous underground restrooms, and all the statues and monuments, including several new ones. "$20 million should do it," secular commented. "designing, planning, and orchestrating loving restorations are my lifelong passion and  a very profitable hustle."

plans are for the current central park to be replaced with a 3 floor parking garage with helicopter- pad.  a private exclusive bar-health spa is envisioned for city judges, attornies in the know, and favored city hall double dippers of both parties. a covered overhead tram-walkway tunnel(spanning PAW) from the parking garage to city employees, so they wont be run down by angry motorists and  city workers holding only one position..

 "mansfield lost its heart and soul when the old tokyo health spa closed.

to survive, we must be innovative,  without letting ANY new blood or money into OUR clique."

"the mansfield area has trillions in untapped funds, and i know where they all are, and how to get my hands on most of them," chuckled the handsome white haired faux.  

"i scheme one plan ahead", said an excited and hopeful secular. "a rustic innovative lo-speed solar powered,wind-driven combo line, a real life fantasy carrousel  connecting feuding area communities would renew flagging local discourse and pride."
{wind-driven is indeed an understatement}aloc

more details will be  available as they are smoked.

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