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Monday, March 29, 2010

onstar partners with businesses

the ubiquitos netflix and progressive insurance are adding spots to the emergency calls when the onstar emergency system is activated.
'we consider the ads therapeutic," said oui oui wowsee, the lovely thai netflix spokeslady dressed in a bright red velvet pantsuit. "seeing a movie ad or two will be good for the victims and take their mind off their dilemna.' "you pulled me through" many test victims have said, spokesperson oui oui said.

progressive insurance, whose insurance spokesman, flo, has become a huge cult hero, dressed in antiseptic white, will do an 'i told you so' spot, and victims will get recorded well wish calls from flo with reminders to update their coverage.

(rumors of black market videos of flo doing sexy inuendo-laden progressive ads are staunchly denied )



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then there's the matter of those onstar tv and radio ads:



i find their commercials unsettling at best. the ones where they play recording from accident of victim. a recent one has a pregnant woman over a ravine in sheer panic. she relays that her mother is not moving. i wish GM would provide updates. i am worried sick about these poor people.

the creepiest commercial is when a GPS with a female voice, envious that the driver went to jared to buy his gal a necklace, keeps the doors locked until he drapes the necklace over the GPS screen.

i'd like to hear someone call onstar with the concern of an erection that has lasted more than 4 hours.



i know that on-star has hooked up with an infomercial company to produce 3, 30-minute spots that will follow a series of onstar victims, with re-enactments of their buying their gm car, their wreck, and life after the wreck.


about flo, i would hit it,

then have onstar respond


how did the human race make it this far without onstar?


they should get david axelrod to direct the spots. he could recreate the erotic sexual thrills of crash. perhaps a crash victim relaying the story of having onstar sex with the operator while waiting for the ambulance.

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